We spent Mother’s Day at the Salt River playing and relaxing. #’s 1 and 3, grandchild numero uno (infinnery an dion) and I spent quite a bit of time adventuring up and down the river, traversing the rapids, if I’m honest, only about 100 yards down, then back up to where the more sane adults were parked in chairs, throwing back Coronas. Considering the fact that I’m still healing from some recent physical issues, I did well. Walking on mossy river rock in a rapidly moving river is no joke, people. I did stumble a few times but managed to regain my balance before any appendages were damaged.
“You are pretty gangly out here Mom,” Loran said. “How is it you’re so graceful in your yoga practice and have such a hard time with this.”
It was a fair question and I chose to take the compliment and totally ignore the fact that she’d just called me a klutz because, well, I kind of am. Yoga is different. It’s a progressive practice and certainly nothing that will ever be perfected but I’ve been doing it for 20 years. I should be at least nominally good at it sometimes.
“Yoga is very intentional for me,” I answered. “It’s the one place I remember to respect and honor myself and wherever I happen to be on a given day. That’s the integrity of it.”
Loran tilted her head to one side.
“So, walking is not intentional?”
Smart ass.
But, yeah. Right?
It was a mini-epiphany – or perhaps, considering the injuries I’ve incurred lately – not so mini.
I thought about how I was moving about in that river. I was running and sort of hopping, trying to, oh my god, I don’t know, outrun the rapids? It’s a bloody wonder I didn’t break my neck. All I had to do was plant one foot firmly before I lifted the other one to go forward. Be methodical. If you ask the guys who’ve worked for me what will be written on my tombstone they will tell you, methodical. It’s how I get through every day. One thing at a time. I don’t rush because it’s better to work steady. Anyway, once I figured out that paying attention to how I was moving and doing so with the intention to stay upright made me less disaster prone, the rest of the day at the river was much easier. Of course that was 10 minutes before we packed it in to go home.
The words intentional and with integrity stayed with me.
When I’m practicing yoga and I take a step forward with my right leg, I know where my left one is. My back is straight and my pelvis is tucked. When I put all my weight on my right leg to lift the left, my core is pulled in and I lift up out of my hips and my waist so that my upper body is sort of floating – as opposed to allowing it to sink into my right hip and glute – and I am breathing slowly and deeply in and out through my nose while focusing my vision with a drishti (focused gaze) in order to concentrate and send strength and balance where it’s needed while I lift my arms into prayer pose at heart center. Sometimes I look like a ballerina when I do this. Sometimes I cannot balance to save my life and I look more like – well, not a ballerina. Either is acceptable as is anywhere in between because I am intentionally stretching the boundaries of who I am and honoring the integrity of the pose.
It’s the same in life. When I remember to be intentional in my interactions with others, progress is made. Of course, that also depends on what the intention is.
I read a discussion one time where a spiritual teacher said, Love is the only reason to do anything. It’s not always the intention, but it should be. No matter what.
A bit further into the discussion she was asked, Is indiscriminate sex okay? Is it a sin? The answer had a huge impact on me for many reasons, not the least of which was that I’ve always thought indiscriminate sex was fine as long as one has a care for themselves and those with whom they are – you know. Who is to judge what “indiscriminate” is. And just for the record, I am not looking for a debate on the merits or lack thereof regarding the subject. It is simply being used for the purposes of making a point. I was raised Catholic and taught that sex is between a man and a woman in marriage for the purpose of procreating. Period. This lesson was hammered in by the nuns during Catechism and supported by my trying-to-keep-me-a-virgin-till-30 parents. It-did-not-work. It did, however give me a somewhat skewed view of my own sexuality. I mean, I still had sex and not for the purpose of procreation and not with someone to whom I was married. But I said I was sorry on Sunday. In fact, I can remember several times when on my way out Saturday night asking God to forgive me, in advance, for the drinking I was definitely going to do and the sex I intended to have, just in case I was in a car wreck and died before I got to Mass the next morning because I wanted to go to Heaven.
I got tired of that, though. I kept wondering why I had to apologize and feel bad about something that made me feel so good. If God loved me for who I was and who I was wanted to do what came naturally, why was it supposedly so damn bad?
Aaaaaaaaaanyway…….Fast forward to the book I mentioned, where the question was, Is indiscriminate sex okay? The answer was, It’s fine as long as it serves who you are and who you are trying to become. The next question was, Huh? The next answer was, Whatever you do, do it with love. Literally, everything. What is the point of eating spaghetti and meatballs if eating spaghetti and meatballs does not serve you? If you don’t love it, eat something else.
It made – makes – perfect sense to me pertaining to everything I do. Which is not to say that everything has to be studied and picked apart for the intent, but I do set an intention at the beginning of the day – and as many times during the day as is needed. When I do so my question to myself is generally the same – is love involved here? For example, if I’m at work and hating my life as a result, I have to ask why am I here. I then answer, because I love to eat and have a roof over my head……….. And go clothes shopping, and on vacation, and out to dinner and to the movies…… Which strikes me as funny and I’m usually able to pull my head out of my – uh – complaint and review what is most important and prioritize and find gratitude for said job. It also allows me to be nice to the people who walk in with the intention of buying what I am selling, which keeps my boss happy and keeps me employed, making that part of my world go round.
Our lives are always made up of our intentions. Therefore it’s simply better if our intent is, you know, intentional. It’s not as if doing things on purpose will eliminate spontaneity. After all, no matter how full of intention one is when taking that step into the rapids, there is still the matter of the moss on the rocks and the rapid flow of the water.
What is your intention for today?
itsallinadaysinsanity 